WHAT I’VE LEARNT ABOUT MEN SO FAR
by Samantha X - author, former escort, and columnist.
Men and women aren’t just like Mars and Venus – we are from completely different dimensions! But for some reason, we can co-exist quite well together. People assumed that six years as an escort, I would end up hating men. Not so. I learnt a lot about men. I learnt sex wasn’t the number one thing they needed and I learnt that they are just as vulnerable as women when it comes to emotional needs. To make your relationship thrive, it takes compassion, communication, and lots and lots of love.
1. MEN need cuddles just as much as you do
My number one request as an escort? Not for porn star sex – I don’t think many men even knew what that was – but for kisses and cuddles. Men seem to be starved of any human intimacy, whether it be talking, listening and cuddling. Not all of them are about wham, bam thank you ma’am – in fact 99% of the men wanted foreplay and conversation more than penetrative sex. Don’t underestimate men and their desires.
2. MEN worry about their skills in the bedroom
Another thing I heard most times from clients was not what I can do for them, but what they can do for me. What turns women on? How to make a woman happy? It was rarely about their orgasm or their pleasure, the men I met were more concerned about turning women on and how to do it right. They worry about this more than you realise!
3. MEN don’t care about your wobbles as much as you do
Stop fretting about your thigh gap or your dimples; men don’t notice these things as much as you do and nor do they care. The biggest turn on for men in the bedroom is confidence and enthusiasm, whatever size or shape you’re in.
4. MEN need compliments too
Men are sadly too scared to give a woman a compliment these days in fear of being accused of sexual harassment. I was never rude to a man who paid me a compliment, but did you know men need to hear nice things too? Women say nice things to each other all the time but men rarely do. If your partner smells nice, tell him! If he’s lost a few kilos, notice! I once saw a client who had lost 20kgs and was upset as he said his partner hadn’t mentioned it. I’m not saying if you don’t, they will run to an escort, but a few nice words will make their eyes light up and there’s nothing wrong in making someone feel special.
5. MEN don’t understand women
The only man who has ever got close to understanding the way I think is my gay friend Remington. Why? Because he thinks the same. Straight men have no idea what goes on in our minds. Women are complex emotional creatures, we even confuse ourselves. Don’t assume he knows what you’re thinking. He wouldn’t have a clue. I learnt as an escort to be very direct with men – even if I felt I was being rude. They don’t see it as being rude; you’re doing them a favour believe me.
There are many things we love about Samantha X – the number one being that she dared to speak her truth, which provided a platform to give practical non-judgmental advice to couples, men and women, who may be suffering in silence at why their sex life isn’t sizzling, why their marriage is dying and what they can do to fix it. We also love how she inspires women to feel empowered.